Are you queer if you are dating transgender?

Many people who are dating transgender people might be wondering this question. To answer it directly, here are several things you need to think about to tell if you are really a queer. Although I cannot tell you whether you are queer or not, I do think there are a few things you need to think about.

First, if you are only attracted to female and female characteristics, it is important for you to know that gender identity is not defined by genitals, but defined by how you feel about yourself. If you like making love with cisgender women and transgender women, the fact that she may have a penis doesn’t affect you, then you need to know that you are attracted to women. That does not make you a queer or gay.

If you like playing with the genitals of transgender women and you are also attracted to female characteristics, in such circumstances, I think it is not appropriate to list yourself as queer, because you are still attracted to women and that is heterosexual. Find local transgender friends.

Second, if you are looking for exploring your potential sexual orientation by sleeping with transgender women to experience pleasure with men, I think you should take some time to figure out your attraction and why you are trying this misgendering way. More importantly and actually, you are categorizing transgender women to men. It is your misunderstanding for the concept and you are damaging their rights as female. If you want to find out if you are gay or queer, you can communicate with some homosexual friends and find out if you are attracted to male genitals and then do some thinking of yourself.

Finally, if you are both attracted to male and female and you can feel the attraction to both of them, more importantly, you don’t feel right about your recognized gender identity, then you might be queer. For some people, they don’t feel they belong to any type of gender approved by the public. They are neither male nor female. Gender identification does not have anything to do with what people they are attracted to. It is all about how you feel inside. Therefore, you should more focus on how you think and feel about yourself, but not who you are dating.

I don’t think listing yourself to queer is a good way to expand your dating circle or to attract certain kinds of people. If your purpose is to date queer or to be friends with them, then I suggest you to learn more knowledge about this group of people. Respect and support them. You will have more chance to know them and blend in their social circle.

If you are really confused by your gender identification, there is another way to find out. You can go to the gender identification clinic in your neighborhood and have a talk with the professionals. Or you can also talk with some people in LGBTQ community. There are many ways to find out, but dating a transgender women is not one of them. She is not ladyboy.